On being Homesick

I've been feeling 'homesick' a lot lately, which is very odd for me. I don't really know where this feeling came from. First off I haven't lived at 'home' for almost a decade. And, secondly my childhood home is not longer...well...the way it was. It's been sold and re-sold and remodeled beyond the point of recognition. The sense of homesickness is sort of nostalgic, yet unrealistic. I mean how can I be homesick for something that isn't even there.

I guess I have this feeling because in order to pursue my goals I have sacrificed living close to any family; and at times I feel very left out and very alone. Sometimes I need a family fix. I know it will never be easy, and there is no easy answer. One set of parents lives on the East coast, while the other lives in the West. We will never be able to live by both parents, it's that simple. Of course our siblings (with the exception of two of them) live in the land of promise; and I know we won't be going back there any time soon.

Living away from your loved ones is hard. It's not feasible to make it to every party, every birth, every marriage...we just don't have that kind of money, or time. I feel like I've missed out on so much in order to achieve my {all be it selfish} aspirations.

Like the birth of her:

Or him:
and in the next few weeks him:

We have missed this:

and that:
and a little of this:

and don't forget this:

I will never forgive myself for not being closer to my grandma as she spent her last few weeks on earth. I think this is the last picture we had taken of us together...like two years before she died...

There was a HUGE {understatement} difference between my childhood and Daniel's.

My family, on both sides, lived really close to each other. We would go to my Grandparent's homes weekly.

We would play with our cousins often. We knew what was going on in each others lives. We were each others friends.

{All of the Kirby grandchildren+grandma}

Every birth, birthday, holiday, school achievement-EVERYTHING was celebrated with extended family. And unfortunately I feel like I am missing out on that big time.

{This was just at a regular get together...I'm the hot chick in the black and pink spandex shorts!}

Dan on the other hand was sitting in an undergraduate class at Snow College when a girl walked up to him and said, "I think you're my cousin." Needless to say it took him a bit to recall who she was and how they were related. Because of Dan's upbringing 'homesickness' is not even in his vocabulary...and I don't know if he really can comprehend the homesick feelings that I occasionally have.

The worst part is that there comes a time when we need to lean on each other. We need to help a loved one out who is struggling financially, or who has a sick baby in the hospital, or who just needs a big hug from their big sister. What ever it is, sometimes our family needs a shoulder to lean on. The problem is our shoulders are thousands of miles away. And it makes me sad. And it makes me homesick.