Why do I do the things I do?

So, there I was, around twenty push-ups or so into forty while one officer was yelping about how flabby we all were, another was griping about us not keeping our heads up while a third was yelling at us for not keeping our backs straight during our punishment for being who we are.

It was about this time that I asked myself yet again, "Why am I doing this - again?!" You see, it was February 1996, a few months before my last summer as a high schooler when I got a phone call from an army recruiter. Five days later I had my hand up taking an oath to defend this nation. To this day I don't know why I did it but it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

In addition to spending my last high school summer learning how to kill other human beings in a myriad of different ways (i.e. shooting, stabbing, blowing up, choking, pounding, rocketing, etc. etc.) I was granted twelve high school credits (allowing me to really slack off my senior year), six college credits (helping me complete my bachelor's degree in three years), money for college (surprisingly my family was unable to provide any financial assistance), and perhaps most importantly I really left Utah Valley allowing me to learn that a lot about how diverse America can be. For instance, I befriended my first African American, Jew, Mexican, Puerto-Rican, Sri-Lankan, Russian, and Iowan (and that was just Basic Training - yep, this is the kind of hodge podge that makes up the military in America today). Most importantly I learned a lot about myself and who I was.

But I served my time, right? Why one earth would I volunteer, fifteen years after my initial enlistment, to rejoin the United States Army opening the door to sleep deprivation, bad food, lousy pay, verbal abuse, and boring days? I have an idea...but I don't feel comfortable writing about it at this time. Let's just say as disillusioned as I have been from time to time I still have hope and feel that maybe I might make a difference. And if I can make a difference it is well worth the sacrifice of being away from my beautiful wife and wonderful little boy.

And that is why I am currently at Ft. Jackson, SC attending the Chaplain's Officer Course. It was extremely hard to leave Houston, the last thing I saw of my wife and son was Henry peering over Heidi's shoulder watching me walk away, surely wondering where Da-Da was going and why he was not coming. I leave behind my profession working with those that are dying and sadly many of those I have spent many hours with will be gone before my return (a few have already passed) and that makes me feel like I let them and their families down. But here I am...and...well, I need to go to bed. We have to report early.