5 Years Ago

A few minutes ago Heidi reminded me that today was the fifth anniversary of the last day of her chemotherapy after being diagnosed and treated for the cancer called Ewing's Sarcoma. It's weird, almost all of her 14 treatments lasted several days at a time, took place over a year, and usually occurred at the hospital but I don't remember any of them except for the last one. I remember a lot, I even remember the pajamas Heidi wore, the sun coming through the window, and the day of the week.

Well, what should I say, good job? I mean it seems a little odd to say "good job" or "congratulations" as if her treatment was her choice or some sort of an accomplishment. Don't get me wrong, watching Heidi go through chemo was one - if not the worst experience of my life. Yea, that sounds selfish but do you know how hard it is to watch the one you love go through that ordeal? I can't even begin to describe the horrible feelings of helplessness. But she survived, thank goodness, and now we have a beautiful boy too.

So - what should I say? How about I am very proud of you Heidi, you got closer to death than I ever have and you came back. You did this knowing that the poisons they pumped into your body could have permanent effects but you still did it in a grueling effort at survival. You've tried to better yourself since that horrible time and while the road has been bumpy - really bumpy at times - you've moved beyond that terrible time and you deserve all the credit in the world. I like to think I would survive such a horrible experience but the fact of the matter is I just don't know. Meanwhile you did survive.

I'm glad your still here, and I'm glad you're such a good mother. I love you.

P.S. Sorry, you probably wanted to write about this yourself.