Survivor's Guilt

Everyday I work with those that are dying and those that are still here now that their loved one is gone. A common occurrence is Survivor's Guilt. Simply put this is a mental condition that takes place when an individual survives while their loved one dies, usually as a result of a traumatic, unexpected death but it can happen to all. It is the "Why not me?" complex.

For example we had a wonderful, professionally successful patient recently who passed away in her early thirties. Obviously she was far too young but the kicker is she had a twin sister. Can you imagine the poor surviving sister asking herself why not her?

But then there is this heart wrenching story I, along with countless others, have been following. This is Chad Arnold, 39, from Colorado showing his scar where he had a liver transplant several months ago. The donor was his brother Ryan Arnold, 34. Ryan came forward along with Chad's other siblings, cousins, in-laws, and friends offering part of their livers to Chad who selected Ryan to be his donor.

Well, something went horribly wrong and Ryan who was married with children died from complications shortly after the surgery. What a nightmare and not just for Chad. What about all of those that had also offered their donations? Are they wondering if only they had been the donors perhaps they would have survived the surgery or are they living with the guilt knowing deep down they are feeling relief they were not selected as the donor?

My heart goes out to this family and all of those involved. I mean what on earth can someone say or do to provide comfort for something like this? Man, life can be complicated, can't it?