Oh, Henry!

In the Ecuadorian orphanage that I volunteered in, there was a huge picture on the wall of a baby suckling it's mother's breast. I always though it was funny, and quite mean actually, to hang this picture above the cribs of orphans who were being bottle feed. Wasn't being without a mother bad enough? But to remind these poor infants of what they are missing-torture!

(This is NOT a picture of me!)

Before I got pregnant I wasn't sure about breastfeeding. I was, and in fact still am, a little uncomfortable by public displays of breastfeeding. I am shocked that the most modest women out there feel that it is perfectly appropriate to whip out their boobs anytime, anywhere...I don't know, call me a prude, but use the mother's lounge for heaven's sake! For some reason though, when I became pregnant this natural instinct swept over me, and I wanted to do anything and everything for this child-including breastfeeding. I wanted to feel the connection and bond with this child in a way that only mother and child could. And besides, research has shown that breastfeeding is best; it's the perfect food and it's free food for your child, you can't beat free!

"Since it serves as the link between generations, milk is an especially unique food. Mothers nursing their young provide a typical continuity, such as in the salvation of anything young and delicate. It is sheltering of young tissues by repetition and familiarity. Milk is, of course, the natural diet of the human infant...During the evolution of man, the survival of the race was dependent on milk.

Milk has the unique quality of containing the best that the mother can offer, even at the expense of her own health...In many cultures, milk is, in fact, a symbol of the willingness to give, to sacrifice, and to put the welfare of another above that of oneself. Such expressions as "the milk of human kindness" are to be found in many languages. For this reason, in some areas of India where dairying has been traditionally important, the cow is given a special place of reverence and respect." (Diet and Nutrition: A holistic approach, Ballentine, R. pg. 124)

AND THEN THERE WAS HENRY:

(Trying to feed Henry)

Henry will not nurse. My perfect little angel turns into a perfect little monster, screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking and pinching (yes a newborn can pinch!) He hates nursing and absolutely refuses to do it. I am sure Freud has something to say about that. It's not all Henry's fault though. My milk never really came in, so if I can convince Henry to latch on, I have very little to give him, if anything at all. Oh, what the emotional toll this has been.

(It's been emotional for him too)

I feel so guilty that I can't give Henry the one thing that a mother should be able to give. And then I feel frustrated because Henry doesn't even want to try and to try at something that should come naturally to an infant. Now granted he is a lousy feeder all around. He has a weak and lazy suck. I have tried 4 different bottles and he will only take a $9 pacifier from Germany. He fights the bottle and it takes so much convincing to get him to eat. Yesterday Henry went 6 hours without food because he refused to eat. I guess I feel like a failure, like maybe I haven't tried hard enough. Or maybe it's just ironic that the thing I wasn't sure I wanted to do, now that I can't do it, it kills me.

Help!!! If anyone has any ideas on how to get a fussy baby to eat- let me know. This was Henry this afternoon after about 20 minutes of trying to get him to eat from the bottle!

HELP!