Leaving Las Vegas

Well, it has been two weeks since we left Vegas. Do I miss it? Of course, but I’m also glad to rid myself of it as well. A couple months ago Heidi expressed her love/hate relationship with Las Vegas, now it is my turn.

First of all, Las Vegas is the weirdest place I have ever lived or visited and I have actually been to some really odd locations. That really says a lot, I mean for crying out loud, you want to talk about weird, I grew up here:

You think growing up in Happy Valley would take the crown for messed up places I have been, right? But you’d be wrong, Las Vegas is by far the weirdest and there are a lot of things to hate about the place.

Let’s start at the beginning. I hate, hate, hate the tourists. They mess up everything. One, example, there never ending presence has resulted in some of the highest insurance rates in the country. Before moving there the automobile rates for both of us and both cars was $98 a month, after moving there our rates were $210.

Have you ever flown to Las Vegas? When the plane lands people cheer because they can now spend money on expensive food, hotels, and transportation, get really sunburned, and give away the rest of their money to gambling, strip clubs, escorts, alcohol, and other forms of entertainment. Take a look at this gas station being built near one of my jobs:

It's a gas station! I mean for crying out loud I'm a Mormon and being so I am discouraged from participating in any of these three activities offered at this gas station. When I think of Vegas this is one of the images that come to mind all to often. Even better look at this photo of the local supermarket:

Did you know Von's also sells food?

It’s also nice to be saying farewell to the video poker machines located in every hotel, restaurant, gas station, and grocery store. Their everywhere and it is so pitiful to see grown men and women plug away on those stupid machines. I once attended a lecture by a former mobster who described video poker as the crack cocaine of the gambling world. It is cheap, accessible, and highly addictive. Amen, brother.


Do you know who this guy is? He is the current mayor of Las Vegas. Now technically, we lived in Paradise, a township of Las Vegas so we couldn’t vote for mayor but I don’t think I would vote for this self-acclaimed “Happiest Mayor in the World."

Three reasons why this guy just bugged the crap out of me:

1. Not long ago he was speaking to a bunch of fourth graders and one asked what he would take to a deserted island, Without any hesitation he told a bunch of ten year olds that he would take "a showgirl and a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin." Hmm, functioning alcoholic?

2. While mayor, he was a Playboy celebrity photographer for one day, real professional, right?.

3. Perhaps most serious, have you ever seen the movie “Casino?” He plays himself, a defense attorney for Joe Pesci’s real life character, a man charged with 18 murders. The guy is mob attorney and the mayor of a large city! Am I the only one a little disturbed by this fact?

But you want to know the thing that I hated more than anything about living in Las Vegas? That stupid, idiotic slogan, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” a close second would be “Vegas Baby.” Man I hate that! In fact, at this very moment I am watching a preview for the brutally painful looking new movie, “What Happens in Vegas.” I guess the slogan is right when you think about your money; it does stay in Vegas. However that strange rash you developed from taking advantage of one of the ads found in hundreds of bins like these:


I got bad news; the rash isn’t staying in Vegas.

Man, you probably think living in Las Vegas is all gloom and doom. There were a lot of perks. I’ll admit it, I got just excited as anyone else when the UNLV band played the unofficial fight song, “Viva Las Vegas.” We did a lot of cool stuff. We went to a couple Broadway quality shows, a couple concerts, numerous football, baseball, and basketball games, a NCAA bowl game, a few Laker’s games, a couple professional rodeos, the Professional Bull Rider’s tourney, an NBA summer camp, and we traveled all around the area visiting pretty cool places with a lot of memorable moments. Here are a few of my fondest memories while living in Las Vegas, and despite going to the Strip dozens of times, none of my best experiences took place there.

Mt. Charleston is a great escape, only an hour away and 20 degrees cooler there than in the valley! We went hiking there numerous times and they had snow, you should have seen the dogs study the crazy stuff.

Red Rock Canyon was our first love of the Las Vegas area, we bought season passes more than once. Unfortunately very few people even know it exists.

Here is another red area. We made a few trips to the Valley of Fire. Talk about some pretty cool scenery, so cool they included it in the movie Transformers. Oh, if you ever go don't miss the petrified trees!

Hoover Dam was fun, impressive, and intimidating. It reminded me that I am not good at physics, math, and engineering but check it out, it is incredible. Oh, and I did not take this picture, it's just better than any I did take.

Unfortunately we only made it out to Death Valley once but the whole park is pretty unique. It was a great day trip. Plus I wanted to show a picture of Heidi wearing a turtle neck sweater to the hottest place in the United States.

Because Great Basin National Park is in the middle of nowhere we only went there once. But there is a really big mountain there and a pretty cool cave, which we did not see.

Oh, the Kwik-E-Mart. It was only there for a few weeks but we went several times to load up on Buzz Cola and Krusty-Os.

Lake Mead was probably our number one destination while living in Clark County. Truthfully, as much fun as it was it was not my favorite place but it was great for hiking and reasonably close.

And where else in the world could I have seen our national anthem, the Star Spangled Banner, performed by one of these guys:

Elvis impersonators,

the Scintas, a Las Vegas Strip family variety act,

and these fellas, the Blue Man Group.

It was also during out stint in Sin City that we acquired not one but two dogs and they have been such a big part of our lives. You might not think it but it has got to be one the most dog friendly cities in the nation. Canine parks everywhere, dogs all around, and bags to pick up their crap are abundant. Nights and activities like this one at Green valley Ranch were pretty common.

But do you want to know what were some of the best, most honest, sincere, and rewarding moments of my time in Las Vegas? Probably not what you might think, they took place in this building, well, to the left, the cute purple one is for kids. Some of the most eerily satisfying moments while living in Las Vegas took place on the fourth floor, the oncology ward.


How could that be possible? Well, Heidi spent over 45 nights on that floor and for the most part we were on our own. It was scary, depressing, and terribly lonely. I have never been more angry, frustrated, and desperate in my life. But now that I can look back on the whole ordeal there was something special about those long quiet hours at Sunrise Hospital as I read to Heidi newspapers, magazines, the memoirs of James Herriot, essays on adversity by Jeffrey Holland, and who could forget Sun Tzu’s “Art of War.” There are two reasons this difficult period of time were my best memories from Las Vegas.

First, it was during this time that our relationship was brutally tested, but you know what? We passed. It was hard, dark, and often shameful, but we did it and that says something about Heidi, myself, and our unique relationship. Man, once you successfully fight cancer as a couple it is hard to imagine anything that could be more difficult. Such problems are out there but unlike most we feel sufficiently prepared for future crises, at least we know how bad it can actually get.

Second, this time had a profound impact on me as an individual. When I think of Las Vegas I don’t think about the lights, casinos, entertainment, or temperature, rather I recollect those silent days and nights at Sunrise Hospital where I contemplated giving up and giving in to the always tempting environment where every vice conceivable was at my finger tips to relieve me of the pain of watching a sick wife. But I didn’t give in, I’m hardly a beacon of inspiration as my coping skills were disorganized and weak but I hung in there and those days with my wife in a Las Vegas hospital were some of the most special moments of my life. Does that make sense? Probably not.

I’ll miss ya Vegas, don’t change too much on me. Who knows, our paths may cross again.